my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
