i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
