i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
