One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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