The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
