just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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