So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
