On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
