I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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