I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize