Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i now understand why vodka
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
