where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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