So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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