I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
