I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My vagina is very pro this idea
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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