im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
