because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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