as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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