When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
