Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
someone owes me an orgasm
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
