well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
