some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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