Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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