I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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