kristin has been a bad kristin
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize