I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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