Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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