thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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