Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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