His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
