Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
