he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is my gift to your gina
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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