I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
