so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We need to rekindle our bromance
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
