I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
