Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
