My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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