i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think your dad took our porno
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
