I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
