I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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