you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
