Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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