your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
