the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
