Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Randomize
