She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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