My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
