4 words: hood of his car
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
