I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
