My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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