The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
