it hurts more in the daytime
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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