and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
