i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
