What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
