I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
