Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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