Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
