First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
