Where did you get a picture of my penis
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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