so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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