so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
