Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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