i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I need moral support for this bender
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
