apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
