the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
