I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
