what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
