so explain again why im purple
no
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
